About this sectionABOUT SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS (STIs) | MEN R US | 1m NAVIGATING THE WEBSITE | MEN R US | 1m BUILDING MENRUS.CO.UK | MEN R US | 3m
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If you think you have a STI
If you think you have a STI…
- Don’t have sex
- Read this very helpful STI section
- And get to a clinic
And yes, you can Google your symptoms until the cows come home to try and find out what you have but, frankly, this is bloody useless.
So, at the risk of repeating ourselves, get yourself to a clinic!Back to top
You're not the first
If you ever thought that you were the first or only person to have had a sexually transmitted infection (STI) – think again; they have been around for thousands of years. Gonorrhoea was first mentioned in the Bible and the name of the disease was given by the second century Greek physician Galen. The origin of syphilis is less clear but by the 16th Century it was making its way across Europe.
Anybody can get a STI from someone who already has one. The trouble is that STIs are usually passed on by someone who doesn’t know that they have an infection and so just asking your partner won’t protect you. The majority of STIs enter the body through tiny abrasions, sores or cuts in the body, many of which can be invisible to the eye. A few STIs only itch, some are painful, some are permanent and many can be serious if left untreated.
Effective prevention, protection and treatment will significantly reduce the likelihood of getting STIs or, if you do get them, will reduce or eliminate the harm they can cause.
Over recent decades, HIV has affected the lives of gay men everywhere and has changed the way we think about sexual health. Not only do we have a better understanding of our health needs, but many sexual health services have responded to the need for improvement. None of us really want to dwell on STIs, but being aware on what’s going on leaves you free to concentrate on having a good time.Gonorrhoea ‘could become untreatable’ BBC | 27 Dec 2015 Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) | Public Health England
Latest UK HIV Statistics | National AIDS Trust
Sexually transmitted infection | Wikipedia
Control of STIs and prevention of HIV transmission | World Health Organisation Back to top
Being sexually healthy is not only about dealing with sexual problems as they arise, it’s also about avoiding problems in the first place. Most sexual activity carries some kind of risk of getting a STI and, while never pleasant, many gay men see them as an occupational hazard.
You significantly reduce the risk of getting or passing on STIs by:
- Prompt visit to a sexual health clinic if you think you have a STI
- Vaccination against hepatitis A and B
- Routine clinic check-ups every 3-6 months. If you have unprotected sex, use drugs or have had a recent STI, we suggest you have check ups every 3 months
- Using condoms when fucking
- Not sharing injecting equipment
Signs and symptoms
Sexually transmitted infections are caused by:
- Bacteria which generally live and multiply in the warm and moist parts of your body like your throat, inside your penis and in your anus and rectum.
- Viruses which generally need to get into the blood stream before they can do harm.
- Parasites which live on your body in areas like your groin and armpits.
While some STIs have no symptoms, most do and can include:
- Itching in or around the cock, balls and arsehole.
- Burning or itching when you piss or poo.
- Needing to piss or poo and then not being able to go, or only going a little.
- Spots, scabs, or rashes on the cock, balls, or entrance to the arsehole or body rash,
- Pus from the end of the cock or from the arsehole itself.
- Unusual lumps or bumps.
STI symptom sorter
Match your symptoms with our symptom sorter below and you should get an indication which STI you may have. The sorter is for guidance only and to satisfy curiosity. If you’re checking out your own symptoms then that’s reason enough (in our book) to get a clinic check-up now, where tests can determine whether you have a STI or not. Some symptoms can also indicate other illnesses or medical problems. All the more reason to see someone as soon as possible.Back to top
The rise and rise of STIs
Latest figures published (5 July 2016) from Public Health England (PHE) show there were 434,456 sexually transmitted infections (STIs) reported in England in 2015; 54,275 of which were among gay, bisexual or other men who have sex with men, a 10% increase since 2014. Chlamydia was the most commonly diagnosed STI, accounting for 46% of diagnoses (200,288 cases), followed by genital warts (68,310 cases).
The 2015 statistics represent a small decrease (3%) when compared to 2014. This is primarily due to falls in diagnoses for chlamydia (4%) and genital warts (7%).
However, in the same period there were large increases in diagnoses of gonorrhoea (11%) and syphilis (20%), continuing the rising trends in these infections of the past 5 years. These rises have occurred mostly in gay, bisexual or other men who have sex with men.
While condoms remain unfashionable (for some) they still offer the best protection against STIs. And, while ‘everyone’ seems to be clamouring for PreP we should be mindful that it offers zero protection against other STIs at a time when antibiotics are starting to fail. So, what will it take for gay men to use condoms again?Review on Antimicrobial Resistance: Final Report) | May 2016
STI figures show continued increases among gay men | PHE | 5 Jul 2016
Gonorrhoea ‘could become untreatable’ | BBC | 27 Dec 2015
STIs soaring in gay men – warning | BBC | 23 Jun 2015 Back to top
SXT search for sexual health services
SXT is a free on-line service (also available as an app) that helps find the right type of sexual health service at a convenient time near you including screening, HIV testing, chlamydia testing, PEP and sexual assault. Run by professionals, SXT has a database of more than 2,500 clinics across the UK and is open for everyone: all genders, ethnic groups and sexualities.SXT | SXT
Three Flying Piglets (one of our other projects) has just completed a series of short animated films “TOM MEETS SXT” to promote the service.Back to top
Sexual health clinics
Sexual health clinics or services provide treatment for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and practical help to reduce the risk of getting them in the future. Some services are referred to as Genito Urinary Medicine (GUM) clinics which is the medical term for this field of medicine.
For many years, ‘GUM’ or ‘clap’ clinics were hidden away in hospital basements but many improved from the 1990s, with changes driven largely by gay men, developing a more positive and comprehensive understanding of gay men’s health. And for those who want them, there are clinics specifically for gay men, and evening opening times.
Having said that, improvements are not universal and the quality of service can vary between clinics. In some cases, thankfully more rarely today, we can still be patronised and mistreated by homophobic and judgemental staff, although they do seem to be on the way out.
If you are sexually active, finding a GUM clinic you like is essential, particularly if you can build up a good relationship, if required.What services do sexual health clinics (GUM clinics) provide? | NHS Choices Back to top
Finding a clinic
To find a clinic near you, click on the map at the top right of this page, or info icon or use these links:Find a sexual health service | NHS Choices
London sexual health services | MEN R US
With few exceptions, most of us use clinics run by the National Health Service – they’re free (including treatment prescriptions) and generally very good. Alternatively, you can go to a private clinic and pay for it. Depending on where you live and work, it can be worth thinking about the clinic location, although this should be a secondary consideration after the quality of the service you receive. Even if there’s just the one locally, some gay men do go elsewhere to reduce the likelihood of recognition or because the service is crap. So shop around to find a clinic which best suits your needs.
Go online or phone up the clinic and find out if you need an appointment, or whether it is a ‘walk-in’ service. ‘Walk-in’ clinics can be very busy and it’s almost impossible to gauge how long you’ll be there. It is advisable to put aside a morning or afternoon until you have a clearer idea of how the clinic works. You might want to ask if they have a special clinic for gay men if that’s what you’re after.Back to top
Sexual health clinics (STI clinics) are bound by law to ensure the confidentiality of your records, so it’s OK to give your real name and address. All information about you and your sexual health is protected by law under the NHS Trusts and Primary Care Trusts (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) Directions 2000 and The NHS (Venereal Diseases) Regulations 1974.Confidentiality and the venereal diseases regulations | NAM Aidsmap
In September 2015 a breach occurred where the 56 Dean Street clinic sent out the names and email addresses of 780 people when a newsletter was issued to clinic patients. Although this was appalling it was an exceptionally very rare occurrence in the sexual health field. Patients were supposed to be blind-copied into the email but instead details were sent as a group email.London clinic leaks HIV status of patients | BBC News | 2 Sep 2015
If you’re going to have an HIV antibody test you may decide to give a false name, and this is not against the law. However, don’t forget it… and any other false information you provide. Unfortunately, the same standard of confidentiality cannot be assured outside your clinic if you’re referred to another hospital department or service.Back to top
When you arrive
When you arrive you should report to reception, where you will be booked in and given a numbered ticket (depending on the system). You then wait until your ticket number or name is called. If it’s your first time, you may need to answer a few questions or complete a short questionnaire.
Some guys feel the need to give a different name which is OK as long as you remember it… and respond when it’s called out! At some point you will be given a reference number. Don’t lose it as it links you with your clinic file which sits amongst tens of thousands of other records. Although they can be found by your name and/ or date of birth, looking for records in this way causes delays and extra waiting time for you.
Visits may take up to 2 hours, sometimes longer, so don’t be afraid to ask how long it is expected to take. Longer waits usually occur in clinics that provide a ‘walk-in’ service where it can be difficult to match demand with staff. If the waiting room is packed and the clinic is short staffed, you could be there for several hours – it’s unavoidable. Pre-arranged appointments are more likely to keep to time, but are prone to delays like any health service.
Everyone is there for the same reasons and nobody is likely to feel any less awkward than you. Just get on with it; take a book or watch a movie on your phone to pass away the time. Some clinics even have free wifi.Back to top
Practice varies between clinics but you can usually expect the following during a clinic visit:
Routine check ups
If you are going for a regular check-up with no concerns or symptoms (that you know of) you will be asked for some or all of the following:
- Complete a short questionnaire
- Pee in a pot
- Swabs from bum and/ or throat depending on the sex you’ve had (for gonorrhoea, chlamydia)
- Bloods tests for syphilis, HIV and viral Hepatitis
Check ups with concerns or symptom
You will be seen by a clinician (a nurse or doctor) who will find out about your reason for attending the clinic
- You will be called by name or number and shown to a consulting room and while the consultation is taking place the door should be closed
- Clinicians should introduce themselves (sometimes there is a student present and you should be asked whether this is OK. If you’d rather see the clinician alone – say so, particularly if it’s your first time at the clinic or if you are feeling in any way nervous)
- You will be asked about any problems or concerns you might have. Explain in your own words what seems to be the matter and describe any symptoms
You may also be asked these sorts of questions…
- How many people you’ve had sex with recently and their sex
- Whether your partners were casual, known to you or regular
- The kind of sex you’ve had and whether you used condoms (or not)
- Whether you’ve had STIs before
- If you have been vaccinated for hepatitis in the past (as you may need a booster)
- Your alcohol intake and recreational drug use
- General health problems, are taking medication or have allergies
Difficult and embarrassing though they might be, be truthful, and be as specific as possible. If you hide anything (eg: say you always use condoms when in fact you don’t) or are economical with truth, you may be not be tested for something you have.
Depending on why you are attending you will be examined, this is likely to include:
- the cock and balls
- the throat and the glands in your throat
- the skin.
You will need to provide samples to find out whether you have a sexually transmitted infection.
Using swabs, samples are taken from:
- your pee hole
- your throat
- your arsehole
- you may also be asked for a urine sample
These are used to test for gonorrhoea, chlamydia, pus in the rectum, or penis (proctitis or NSU).
You will then be asked to give a blood sample for syphilis, HIV and Hepatitis
Initial test results
Some of the test results will be available during your visit so after you have been examined and provided the necessary samples, you are likely to be returned to the waiting area for a short time before seeing the nurse or doctor again.
Depending on the diagnosis you may be given a course of treatment (usually antibiotics)
Other test results
The rest of your results will take a week or so and you will have to go back to get them and most clinics communicate your results by text or telephone, however you may be asked to attend for your results or review.
At the end
Thoughtful clinicians will close your session by checking that everything is OK and give you an opportunity to ask any other questions.Clinics and support | GMFA
Visiting a STI clinic | NHS Choices Back to top
Surveys, studies and trials
If you are receiving HIV treatments/ therapies, you may be asked to take part in a clinical trial or survey (especially if you are newly diagnosed).
Before you make any decision you need to understand the purpose of the survey/ trial etc; what is involved; your rights; and whether there are any dangers or risks. If you have difficulty in understanding what is being asked of you, ask that the questions or information are rephrased or re-explained. You should also be given time to think about what has been said before you make any decision.Back to top
If you have a STI then you’ll be prescribed a course of treatment. If you’re given antibiotics then it is very important that you complete the whole course even if you think the symptoms have gone away.
The infection may not have been fully cured and if it comes back then it can be more difficult to treat second time round. You will be asked to come back to check the infection has gone away.
If you don’t understand what the treatment is and you want to know, don’t be afraid to ask. If you are unhappy with what you’ve been given then ask if there’s an alternative. All treatment and prescriptions are free.Back to top
Clinics will want to make sure that all your recent partners are traced so that they can be warned that they need a check-up too. Just assure the clinic that you will personally tell all your partners. Then do it!
Alternatively, there is ‘provider referral’ where a clinic will contact partners on your behalf anonymously. All you have to do is give the clinic his first name and mobile number. They will do the rest and will not identify you at all.
Remember, you can have most STIs without there being any external or recognisable symptoms. The situation is more complex if you test HIV antibody positive but the health adviser should help you tackle the issues.Notifying my partners | GMFA Back to top
The service you can expect
Generally clinics provide an excellent and consistent service and, you should be to
- Understand and be kept fully informed about what’s going on
- Have questions asked with sensitivity and in plain language
- Have time and attention to express concerns and ask questions
- Have your questions answered honestly and in plain language
- Be given time to understand the answers
- Be asked for your consent to any tests or treatments
Communication works both ways
Occasionally staff assume you are straight (heterosexual) and/ or may only have a limited understanding of gay sex. If you feel the line of questioning is insensitive or offensive so say: firmly but politely. Clarifying something can be awkward and embarrassing but trends in gay sex can be complicated and fast moving (the language and apps we use, for example). Providing your knowledge can also help staff and clinics in the work they do.Back to top
Saying thank you and making complaints
Acknowledging when and where clinics get it right is just as important as complaining. Many dedicated staff work very hard to ensure that clinic services meet our needs with the least discomfort and embarrassment. Quite simply, if you’re pleased with the service say so and spread the word.
Making a complaint can be difficult and embarrassing, particularly if it involves coming face to face (again) with the member of staff about whom you’re complaining. Think carefully about
- why you are complaining
- what you want to say
- what you want to get out of the situation.
Maybe it’s an apology you want, or an improvement in the service you’ve received?
Being clear and calm will not just help you but also the clinic in understanding why you’ve made the complaint in the first place. You may want to deal with the situation then and there. Alternatively, when you get home make a note of the incident before contacting the clinic again. An irate call to the clinic may make you feel better but unless you provide your name, who was involved, and what happened, it’s unlikely that the clinic can carry the complaint further).
It may be useful to talk it through with a friend – preferably one who’ll be supportive but objective. If you don’t wish to contact the member of staff concerned directly, try the clinic’s business manager or senior clinician. Some clinics have a system for complaints and suggestions and this may be a useful place to start.
Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS)
Alternatively, clinics are usually part of a hospital or NHS type Trust with a Patient Advice and Liaison Service where you can raise your concern or make your complaint through them.What is Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS)? | NHS Choices
Find a PALS near you | NHS Choices Back to top
Getting an HIV test is the only way to know if you have HIV. The immune system usually takes 3 to 8 weeks to make antibodies against HIV, but tests differ in how early they are able to detect antibodies. Although most HIV tests look for these antibodies, some look for the virus itself. The period after infection but before the test becomes positive is called the window period.HIV testing | GMFA
HIV testing | NAM Aidsmap
HIV testing | NHS Choices Diagnosis and testing of HIV infection | Animated HIV Science | 6 Nov 2013 5m37s
There is big push in the UK to get people to take an HIV test, with most recent developments being a 3 minute finger prick test (sexual health clinic) and home self-test kits which went on sale from April 2015 in the UK for £30 approx.HIV Self Test Kit | National AIDS Trust
HIV self-testing kit goes on sale in UK | The Guardian | 27 Apr 2015
HIV testing is free at an NHS sexual health clinic with support on hand if it’s not the result you are expecting, or even if it is the result you are expecting for that matter.Find a sexual health service | NHS Choices
London sexual health services | MEN R US (STI). Back to top
HIV is treated with a combination of drugs called ‘antiretrovirals’, also known as antiretroviral therapy (ART). These drugs work to stop the virus making copies of itself (multiplying) and so reducing the amount of HIV in the body. Reducing the HIV in your body enables your immune system to recover, giving it a greater chance of fighting off, and recovering from, infections and other illnesses.Anti-HIV drugs | NAM Aidsmap
Introduction to ART | i-base Undectable=Untransmittable | Prevention Access
NAM endorses Undetectable equals Untransmittable (U=U) consensus statement | NAM aidsmap
Understanding CD4 counts and viral loads
Whether you have been recently diagnosed yourself, or if you know somebody living with HIV, understanding even a little bit about CD4 counts and viral loads is worth knowing. For example, you might hear someone say “I’m undetectable and my CD4 count is 781” but what does it mean?
A CD4 count is a blood test that measures CD4 T lymphocytes (CD4 cells) in 1 cubic millimetre of blood. It shows the ‘strength’ of your immune system function to fight off infections. Normal CD4 counts range from 500 to 1,500 cells. A CD4 count of less than 200 is one of the ways to determine if a person with HIV has progressed to AIDS. This doesn’t mean a person is near death, but rather that their immune system is so badly damaged that they would have great difficulty fighting off an infection if one were to come along.
A viral load blood test measures the number of active HIV virus copies (or particles) there are in 1 millilitre of blood. For example, a person not on HIV treatment may have a viral load of several million. A higher viral load means a person will be more infectious to others; eg: through unprotected fucking. The goal of HIV treatment is to bring your viral load down to undetectable levels which is usually regarded as less than 100.
We are oversimplifying but as crude example: A person with HIV infection and not on HIV medication might have (when tested) a viral load of 1,000,000+ and a CD4 of 370. Once on HIV treatment (eg: 3-6 months later) that person would be looking good if the viral load was less than 100, and the CD4 count was 500.
Effective HIV treatment is about keeping your CD4 count high and your viral load low or undetectable. We should also add that CD4 counts and viral loads can go up and down depending on how well your HIV medication is working, whether you’ve another STI, and your health generally. This is not unusual.
The clinic doctors specialising in HIV are very experienced in both telling you what you need to know, and answering your questions and concerns.CD4 and viral load | NAM Aidsmap
How CD4 and viral load are related | i-base
What is a CD count and viral load? | National AIDS Trust Viral Load and Monitoring | Animated HIV Science | 7Nov 2013 | 4m37s
Take your meds!
Today’s HIV treatments are extremely effective, enabling in the majority of cases a normal life expectancy; particularly if you are diagnosed early (the point of infection). Being on ART also reduces the risk of transmitting HIV to others.
You will need to take your HIV tablets as prescribed, which in most cases is one daily dose, to ensure you have enough medication in your body to keep the HIV in check. So, no messing around and missing doses!
Some people do experience side-effects, which can vary between treatments and individuals, although after a few weeks most usually subside or if they don’t can be alleviated by medication. There is still no cure but for most people HIV is now a ‘chronic condition’, a serious but manageable illness that you will live with for the rest of your life.Adherence and why it is so important | i-base
Why taking your HIV treatment properly is so important | NAM Aidsmap
HIV Drug Interactions from the University of Liverpool. provides a clinically useful, reliable, comprehensive, up-to-date, evidence-based drug-drug interaction resource, freely available to healthcare workers, patients and researchers. The HIV iChart app gives easy access to our drug interaction information on mobile devices.HIV Drug Interaction Checker | University of Liverpool
Finding out more
NAM works to change lives by sharing information about HIV and AIDS. It produces useful information that you can trust, and makes sure it is there for anyone who needs it. It believes that having independent, clear and accurate information is vital in the fight against HIV and AIDS. It enables individuals and communities affected by HIV to protect themselves, care for others, advocate for better services and challenge stigma and discrimination.
Acorn House, 314-320 Gray’s Inn Road, London WC1X 8DP
020 7837 6988 9.30am – 5.30pm, Mon-Friday
Formed in 2000, HIV i-Base is a treatment activist group providing timely and up to date information about HIV treatment to HIV positive people and to health care professionals. All resources are produced by and with the involvement of HIV positive people and are reviewed by a medical advisory group.
4th Floor, 57 Great Suffolk Street, London SE1 0BB.
0808 800 6013 | Mon-Wed 12-4pm
Set up in 2002, The UK-CAB is a network for community HIV treatment advocates across the UK. Among its aims: to develop and strengthen a network of treatment advocates, provide expert training on current treatment issues and develop community representation in clinical trials, and setting the standard of care open to HIV positive people and community advocates.
c/o HIV i-Base, 4th Floor, 57 Great Suffolk Street, London SE1 0BB
020 7407 8488
After a positive diagnosis
Everyone’s experience of being diagnosed with HIV is different. As the news sinks in and you start to come terms with what it means, you may go through a range of different feelings. You may feel like being by yourself, or being with just your partner, you may want to chat with a close friend, or you may want to speak to a professional counsellor, perhaps at the clinic where you received your diagnosis.
Once you’ve accepted your diagnosis you may want to chat with other people who have are HIV positive. A number of organisations run groups where you can share your experiences with other newly diagnosed people, including groups that are just for gay men. You may not necessarily all be going through the same feelings and emotions, or want to ask the same questions, but these groups can be a usefully way to find support and share experiences.
Coming out again
For some HIV positive gay men, telling others about their status can be as stressful or traumatic as coming out as gay. It is important to think carefully about who you want to tell and why. Once you have told someone about being HIV positive, you cannot take the information back. Coming out is a very personal process and should be your choice. Obviously, it can feel very natural to want to tell your partner and/ or your family immediately but the response may not be what you expect. It certainly doesn’t help to be dealing with other people’s crap while still sorting out your own. If, however, you have decided to come out, the following may be helpful:
- Be aware that telling people may affect you more than you think and they may not react in the way you expect.
- Don’t tell people if you don’t want them to tell others.
- Try and prepare yourself for the questions they may ask or the issues they may bring up.
- Try and choose the right time and place.
People have different reasons for coming out. For some it may be to get support or health care whilst others might want their sexual partner(s) to know. Not telling someone about your diagnosis might prevent you getting the support, advice and services that are appropriate to your needs. Whatever reaction you get to coming out, being positive is nothing to be ashamed of.
First steps at the clinic
After your HIV diagnosis, several things are likely to happen:
- You will be subjected to a flurry of medical tests to establish your state of health and to what extent the virus is affecting your immune system.
- If appropriate, you may be offered treatments to reduce or stabilise the level of HIV in your body or treatments to help prevent the development of opportunistic infections.
- Depending on your needs, state of health and circumstances, you will be helped to apply for benefits or put in touch with a social worker or home care support team.
There is sometimes an assumption by professionals that because you are gay you know what to do and where to go. This is, of course, not likely to be true where your new HIV diagnosis is concerned. Of course it may be difficult to gauge whether you’re getting the information you need and want, but if you have any doubts ask – or get a second opinion from a helpline or other organisation.
This can be overwhelming, particularly at a time when there is likely to be a lot on your mind and you may be feeling very stressed and emotional. Spare some thought for how you are feeling. Being HIV positive can play havoc with your emotions. Whether you chat regularly with a mate, attend a group, phone a helpline or seek professional help – don’t ignore your feelings. Some find it difficult to ask for help or accept it, but there’s nothing wrong with getting it or asking for it.
We all need help once in a while – it doesn’t mean that we are weak or incapable. Equally, saying ‘no’ doesn’t necessarily mean you are being awkward – so don’t feel guilty or afraid about saying it. The following tips are designed to make getting help and support easier, and so you make decisions which suit you and meet your needs.
- Try to deal with one thing at a time.
- Find a doctor or clinic you like. If you don’t like them, change them.
- Make decisions in your own time.
- Take at least some time to learn more about HIV and how it could affect you. But you don’t have to become an expert or know everything at once. Knowing more will help you feel more in control.
- Consider how you could make your lifestyle healthier. It may include, for example, changes to your diet, having more fun or doing relaxation exercises. Even if you think you’re a sceptic, give it a chance; you can always go back to clubs, drugs, and ready-made-meals – they ain’t going nowhere!
- Listen to your body, it’s usually pretty good at telling you what it likes and doesn’t like. You may take it for granted but it is your friend, get to know and understand it better.
- If there are changes to be made to your life, they are rarely drastic or wholesale and you don’t have to make them all at once. You have time.
- If you’re attending an appointment, there’s nothing to stop you taking someone with you. A little moral support and another pair of ears can be very helpful.
When you are speaking about your HIV, particularly in relation to HIV services, you may come across people whom you don’t know, don’t like or who don’t seem to understand what your needs are. Here are some tips to get you through:
- Be honest and direct – say what’s on your mind.
- Consider taking notes and preparing some questions beforehand. This way you can take the information away and understand it better in your own time.
- Listen to what is being said and think what you want to say next before opening your gob.
- If you’re getting irritable or angry, say so… then take some deep breaths, take a break, or go to the toilet. If you really can’t handle it, leave. You can always go back when you’re ready.
- If you’re told something which you don’t understand, repeat what’s been said in your own words and ask if you’ve understood correctly.
Just found out you are HIV positive… | i-map Living with HIV | Positively UK
Recently Diagnosed | Positive East
Just found out you’re positive? | Metro Centre
Support group for HIV+ men | London Gay Men’s Group Beyond positive online magazine | Beyond Positive
Positively Aging Forum (HIV) (PAF)
Living with HIV | Naz Project
Living with HIV | Cara Trust
Living with HIV | THT Over 50s LIving with HIV Health, Wealth and Happiness Project | THT
This project supports the financial, emotional and physical well-being of over 50s living with HIV in Brighton, Bristol, London, Manchester and the West Midlands. Whether you’ve been diagnosed recently or have been living with HIV for many years you may find one of its services may be able to help. Back to top
Undetectable = Untransmittable
U=U means Undetectable = Untransmittable which essentially means if someone with HIV has an undetectable viral load then they cannot pass on the virus through sex. Over the last year, HIV organisations across the world have joined the U=U campaign to endorse the statement that HIV sexual transmission does not occur when viral load is undetectable on HIV medication or antiretroviral therapy (ART). While the impact of HIV medication on reducing HIV transmission has been known for a long time, it’s new to say ART stops sexual transmission completely. This change is especially important given that prejudice and discrimination against HIV positive people is still widespread.
In 2016, we saw data from the PARTNER study which followed 888 sero-different couples, where one partner was HIV positive and had an undetectable viral load and the other partner was HIV negative. After six years and over 60,000 condom-less sex acts later the study has reported ZERO linked partner-to-partner infections. At the International AIDS Society 2017 conference, there was even more evidence from the Opposites Attract study which followed 343 gay couples, where again one partner was undetectable and the other was HIV negative. The data showed once again that there were ZERO linked partner-to-partner infections.The Partner Study | Alison J. Rodger, Valentina Cambiano, Tina Bruun, et al | 12 Jun 2016
Opposites Attract Study | Bavinton et al, and the Opposites Attract Study Group The evidence for U=U: why negligible risk is zero risk | i-base | 9 Aug 2017
Consensus Statement | Prevention Access Campaign | 21 Jul 2017
Effective HIV treatment means ‘zero’ risk of transmitting virus | THT | 21 Jul 2017
BHIVA endorses ‘Undetectable equals Untransmittable’ (U=U) consensus statement | BHIVA | 12 Jul 2017
NAM endorses Undetectable equals Untransmittable (U=U) | NAM aidsmap | 9 Feb 2017 Zero Risk | Dr Carl Dieffenbach | Prevention Access Campaign | 14 Nov 2016 Living With HIV: What you need to know about HIV-undetectable and viral load | GMFA | 7 Sep 2016 | 00m51s
HIV: Stopping the Virus Starts With You | Stop the Virus | 27 Apr 2015 | 1m49s
HIV: What’s Going on Inside Your Body | Stop the Virus | 25 Jul 2014 | 2m37s
HIV: The Goal of Undetectable | Stop the Virus | 25 Jul 2014 | 3m18s Undetectable Viral Load & The Sex You Want | Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance | 24 Jul 2017 | 2m30s Back to top
The Canadian-International HIV and Rehabilitation Research Collaborative (CIHRRC) is an international research collaborative addressing research priorities in HIV and rehabilitation for people living with HIV in the UK and Canada. The areas of research are:
- Episodic health and disability
- Ageing with HIV across the lifespan
- Concurrent health conditions
- Access to rehabilitation and models of rehabilitation service provision
- Effectiveness of rehabilitation interventions
- Enhancing outcome measurement in HIV and rehabilitation research
The Collaborative is comprised of 40+ researchers, clinicians, people living with HIV, and representatives from community organisations in Canada and around the world.
What is episodic disability and rehabilitation?
As people live longer with HIV they may experience the health-related challenges of HIV, concurrent health conditions, and ageing. These health-related challenges may be termed ‘disability’, and may sometimes fluctuate resulting in ‘good days’ and ‘bad days’ living with HIV. The term ‘episodic disability’ is used to describe physical, cognitive, mental and emotional symptoms and impairments, difficulties carrying out day-to-day activities, challenges to social inclusion, and uncertainty or worrying about the future. It may sometimes fluctuate on a daily basis or over the longer term living with HIV. ‘Rehabilitation’ is defined as “any services or activities that address or prevent impairments, activity limitations, and social participation restrictions for people living with HIV.”
Finding out more
If you are living with HIV and/ or getting older you may find CIHRRC’s research both interesting and of value. In addition to the written research, its website includes over 40 films.Canadian-International HIV and Rehabilitation Research Collaborative
Uncertainty, ageing and HIV | Patty Solomon, McMaster University | 13 June 2013 | 10m50s
3rd International Forum on HIV and Rehabilitation Research (May 2016)
2nd International Forum on HIV and Rehabilitation Research (October 2014)
Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, London
1st International Forum on HIV and Rehabilitation Research (June 2013)
Li Ka Shing Knowledge Institute, St. Michael’s Hospital, Toronto
Day 1 / Day 2
PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis)
The course of medication lasts 28 days and may be able to prevent you becoming infected with HIV if you start taking it within 72 hours of being at risk of HIV exposure; eg: a condom break during fucking.
If you think you may need PEP don’t spend the next 72 hours wondering, or searching the Internet for the right advice. The right advice is right here and you should go to a sexual health clinic now as time is of the essence. You can also obtain PEP at A&E (Accident and Emergency) departments of some hospitals. A&Es are especially important at weekends because most sexual health clinics are closed.
A&E London | MEN R US
Find a sexual health service | NHS Choices GMFA
Wikipedia Use of PEP: UK Guidelines | NICE | BASHH | 2015 Back to top
PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis)
PrEP means Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, and it’s the use of anti-HIV medication – taken regularly – to keep HIV negative people from becoming infected. It is not available through the NHS (as yet), though you can get it on private prescription.
In February 2015, the PROUD study reported that PrEP reduced the risk of HIV infection by 86% for gay men and other men who have sex with men. It measured the effectiveness of daily PrEP for those recruited during the 2 year study. In the UK there is still some concern that widespread use of PrEP could reduce the number of people who are using condoms and therefore increase the number of exposures with people who are not aware of their HIV infection, and who are potentially very infectious.
The campaign to get PrEP on the NHS (in a nut shell)
- Gay men (and many HIV agencies) are campaigning vigorously for PrEP on the NHS
- The NHS won’t pay for it, though you can buy it online for approx. £45/ month
- The National AIDS Trust launched a judicial review challenging the NHS’ decision
- On 2 August 2016 the High Court ruled the NHS can fund PrEP
- The NHS appeals and loses (November 2016)
- Scotland makes PrEP available on the NHS (April 2017)
- NHS gives 10,000 people PrEP in a £10m trial lasting 3 years (August 2017)
PrEP, condoms, STIs and antibiotics
There are studies that show a significant rise in bacterial STIs in men who are using PrEP that appears to be related to their sexual networks and the level of condom use. Even if PrEP is the game-changer many are hoping it to be, PrEP offers zero protection against other STIs which are on the rise at a time when antibiotics are failing. Just in case it has slipped our collective minds – PrEP is as effective as condoms at reducing the spread of HIV, however fucked up and boring this may sound.
Further informationPrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | Gay Men Fighting AIDS (GMFA)
PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | Terrence Higgins Trust (THT)
PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | National AIDS Trust (NAT)
PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | Prepster
PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | I Want PrEP Now
PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | iBase
PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) | Wikipedia Buying PrEP online: safer use and NHS monitoring | i-Base and others | June 2016
HIV drug row: A very modern dilemma for the NHS | Nick Triggle, BBC | 2 Aug 2016 PrEP: HIV ‘game-changer’ to reach NHS in England from September | BBC | 3 Aug 2017
Fall in HIV among gay men could spell end for Britain’s epidemic, say experts | The Guardian | 22 Jun 2017
Sex without fear – my experiment with… PrEP | The Guardian | 22 Jun 2017
Massive drop in London HIV rates may be due to internet drugs | New Scientist | 9 Jan 2017
NHS England has power to fund Prep HIV drug, court decides | BBC 10 Nov 2016
NHS loses court appeal over ‘game-changing’ HIV drugs | The Guardian | 10 Nov 2016
NHS England: August update on the commissioning and provision of PREP for HIV prevention | 2 Aug 2016
HIV campaigners win NHS drug battle | BBC 2 Aug 2016
Judicial review over HIV Prep drug | BBC News | 13 June 2016
NHS England reconsiders HIV Prep drug decision | BBC | 19 Apr 2016
NHS will now consider putting PrEP back… | NAT | 19 Apr 2016
England’s PrEP policy in disarray after NHS U-turn | NAM Aidsmap | 22 Mar 2016
Row over HIV prevention drug Prep (Funding 500 over 2 years) | BBC | 22 Mar 2016 Sign statement calling for earlier access to PrEP | prepaccess.org
PrEP: Why we are waiting | The Lancet HIV | Jan 2016 Make PrEP available for those who need it | GMFA
PrEP | GMFA
Educating and agitating about PrEP | Prepster Almost-certain case of PrEP failure due to drug resistance | NAM Aidsamap | 25 Feb 2016 PROUD Study | MRC/ UCL/ PHE
PrEP | NAM Aidsmap
PrEP, PEP and PEPSE | i-base
Pre-exposure prophylaxis | Wikipedia Stop sentencing us to fear | Huffington Post | 30 Jun 2015
Why we need PrEP | The Independent | 4 Aug 2015
stigma ˈstɪɡmə/ noun
Mark of shame and humiliation often driven by views, beliefs and assumptions we make about people. Makes it more likely that people will be singled out, ostracised, or marked out as strange, different (not in a nice way) and, in some cases, thought of as dangerous. Stigma is crippling, bringing on feelings of isolation, shame, hopelessness, blame, self-hatred, which often prevents people from seeking help and support.
Over the past 30 years of the HIV/ AIDS epidemic, many advances have been made in treatment and care, and HIV is now considered to be a chronic medical condition rather than the fatal illness it once was. Unfortunately, people living with HIV have been stigmatised and discriminated against since the virus was first discovered in the 1980s, and it continues…
Today, the stigma and discrimination faced by people living with HIV remains a major issue. It appears in many forms and ranges from rejection by friends, family or partners to being physically assaulted. It’s also a distinctly unattractive trait among some gay men using hook-up web apps.
As well as leading to feelings of isolation, depression and fear, stigma can also contribute to the spread of HIV. If someone is scared to go for a test, they may not know that they are HIV positive, and that could lead to them unknowingly infecting someone else. Fear of testing is often what leads to people being diagnosed late, which means they are in poorer health when diagnosed and in turn may not respond as quickly or as well to treatment, which ultimately means they reduced their opportunities for returning to good health.Stop HIV stigma | GMFA
HIV, stigma and discrimination | NAM Aidsmap
Law, stigma and discrimination | NAT HIV isn’t dirty, stigma is | GMFA
The stigma of HIV still remains | The Guardian | 15 Aug 2013
People Living with HIV: UK Stigma Index 2015 | FPA Back to top
HIV STORY PROJECT
HIV Story Project
Founded in 2009, The HIV Story Project is a San Francisco based non-profit organisation focused on bridging HIV/AIDS with film, media and storytelling to fight the pandemic and the global stigma associated with it.
Generations HIV is a digital media experiment recording video questions, answers and stories by people from all walks of life about HIV/AIDS. Whether HIV+ or HIV-, a loved one or a caregiver, we have all been impacted and affected by this global health pandemic, and we all have a story to tell.Generations HIV | HIV Story Project Back to top
National AIDS Trust
The National AIDS Trust (NAT) was founded in 1987 as a non-government organisation (NGO) by the Department of Health, in order to deal with the escalating concern with HIV and AIDS nationally. Today NAT’s funding comes from public donations, corporate supporters, grant-making trusts and foundations and its own fundraising work – it doesn’t receive funding from the UK Government. NAT is a policy and campaigning charity, working to improve the national response to HIV through policy development, expertise, and the provision of practical resources rather than through offering direct support services to people living with HIV.
Freedom of Information requests have exposed an alarming trend for cutting or completely decommissioning HIV support services across England and Wales. In England there was an average cut of 28% in expenditure for HIV support services between 2015/16 and 2016/17. The regional variation in cuts is enormous, with some areas entirely losing support for people living with HIV.HIV support services: The state of the nations | National AIDS Trust | Mar 2017
Why we need HIV support services: A review of the evidence | National AIDS Trust | Mar 2017
NAT also has a comprehensive range of resources available including:
- HIV in the future NHS
- Why PrEP is needed
- Your rights: a guide to human rights and HIV
- Your voice: a guide to disclosure and HIV
- Using the global evidence base to reduce the impact of HIV stigma
- How NHS overseas visitors charges apply to migrants and asylum seekers in England
- Prepare for Personal Independence Payment (PIP)
- Tackling HIV Discrimination at Work
Herpes (herpes simplex HSV-1, HSV-2, and there are others)
Trending: upwards: STI Infection Report, PHE June 2014 (page 5)
For cold sores around the mouth and nose see:
Cold sore (herpes simplex virus) | NHS Choices
Herpes simplex | Wikipedia
LONDON BRIDGE (C)
CHELSEA (C)Back to top
HARROW (NW)Back to top
NEW CROSS (SE)
CROYDON/ THORNTON HEATH (SE)
TOOTING (SW)Back to top
WHITECHAPEL (E)Back to top
KINGSTON UPON THAMES (W)Back to top
Clinic searchFind a sexual health service | NHS Choices. Back to top
London A&ELewisham Hospital | Lewisham High Street, Lewisham, London SE13 6LH | MAP
020 8333 3000 (Switchboard) The Royal London Hospital | Whitechapel Road, Whitechapel, London E1 1BB | MAP
020 7377 7000 (Switchboard) St Thomas’ Hospital | Lambeth Palace Road, London SE1 7EH | MAP
020 7188 7188 (Switchboard) St Mary’s Hospital | Praed Street, London W2 1NY | MAP
020 3312 6666 (Switchboard) Hammersmith Hospital | Du Cane Road, London W12 0HS | MAP
020 3313 1000 (Switchboard) Charing Cross Hospital | Fulham Palace Road, London, W6 8RF | MAP
020 3311 1234 (Switchboard) Chelsea & Westminster Hospital | 369 Fulham Road, London SW10 9NH | MAP
020 3315 8000 (Switchboard) Royal Free Hospital | Pond Street, Hampstead, London NW3 2GQ | MAP
020 7794 0500 (Switchboard) University College London Hospital | 235 Euston Road, Euston, London NW1 2BU | MAP
020 3456 7890 (Switchboard) Whittington Hospital | Magdala Avenue, Highgate Hill, Archway, London N19 5NF | MAP
020 7272 3070 (Switchboard) Homerton University Hospital | Homerton Row, Homerton, London E9 6SR MAP
020 8510 5555 (Switchboard) Back to top
From tortoise shell to latex
In the past, condoms have been made out of all sorts of materials: horn or tortoise shell for that extra sensitive gentle touch, oiled paper, linen or animal gut. Up until the 1930s rubber condoms were thick, washable and re-usable.
However, the development of latex in the late 1930s meant that thinner, disposable condoms could be produced. More recently we have seen the arrival of a polyurethane condom which is said to be stronger than latex, although more expensive. However, being thinner, sensitivity should be greater and it is the only condom which can be used with oil-based lubricants.Condom History | Wikipedia The Humble Little Condom: A History | Anne Collier | Prometheus Books How a condom is made | BillyBoyUSA* | 13 Sep 2011 | 8m38s
Get it on | Durex | posted by robertrugan.com | 0m30s
Loop de Loop – Condoms | posted by Daniel Luke | 0m44s
AIDES Smutley | posted by AIDES | 2m20s
A little tedious perhaps but we feel we should clarify that MEN R US has no relationship with any of the condom manufacturers featured in this section, and acknowledges there are many many other brands available to purchase online, from chemists, shops and supermarkets, etc… but some are also FREE from many sexual health clinics.Back to top
For many years, stronger condoms have been the bedrock of HIV prevention, though the landscape is changing. Today, there’s a shift to choosing the right condom which may not necessarily need be thicker with good technique and lashings of lubricant.
In 2001, an evaluation concluded “…there is no evidence from the present investigation to support the use of stronger (thicker) condoms over standard strength condoms among gay men. The appropriate use of additional lubricant should be encouraged.”
Obviously thicker condoms will lessen dick sensitivity and, although they offer better protection under ideal circumstances, the benefits may be outweighed if your dick is so de-sensitised that you have to ferret around for hours before you can cum. On the other hand, guys often love a good ferret! It’s your choice: if you feel safer and more secure using a stronger and/ or thicker condom then use them!An evaluation of a thicker versus a standard condom with gay men | Golombok S, Harding R, Sheldon J. AIDS, 2001;15(2):245-250.
Condom efficacy in gay men | NAM Aidsmap Back to top
Nonoxynol-9 is widely used in contraceptives for its spermicidal properties (it kills sperm on contact). It has been promoted as a backup method for avoiding pregnancy and to protect against STIs in the event of condom failure.
In the late 1990s, studies have found that condoms with nonoxynol-9 can irritate the lining of the rectum/ arse leading to increased risk of STI transmission, including HIV. Most condom manufacturers in the UK have stopped using N-9, but avoid condoms described as spermicidally lubricated.Lubricants containing N-9 may enhance rectal transmission of HIV and other STIs | Contraception, 2004 | 70(2):107-110
David M Phillips, Kristin M Sudol, Clark L Taylor, Laura Guichard, Robert Elsen, Robin A Maguire
Confusion over use of nonoxynol-9 among gay men in San Francisco despite public warnings | 2003 | NAM Aidsmap
Nonoxynol 9 | Wikipedia Back to top
- ISO Standard is managed by the International Organization for Standardisation; give world-class specifications for products, services and systems, to ensure quality, safety and efficiency; and are instrumental in facilitating international trade.
- CE Mark is a European Economic Area symbol of licence approval. It therefore means that it meets all the requirements of European Legislation.
- BSI Kitemark is the registered trademark owned by the British Standard Institution, an accepted sign of reliability and a significant assurance that a product meets rigorous standards of production and testing.
CE Marking | GOV.UK | Wikipedia
BSI Kitemark | British Standards Institute | Wikipedia Back to top
Latex and non-latex
The majority of condoms are made from two types of latex:
Natural rubber latex
Latex condoms weaken and damage easily when they come into contact with oil-based lubricants and other substances such as baby oil, mineral oil, suntan lotion, cooking oil, baby oil, petroleum jelly, cold creams, skin lotions and, bringing up the rear so to speak, butter or margarine.
A type of plastic (eg: polyisprene and polyurethane) which doesn’t irritate people with latex allergies. Though less stretchy than natural rubber latex, synthetic latex condoms can be very thin and be used with oil based lubricants.
An alternative to latex and non-latex condoms made from a thin layer of sheep cecum, a part of the intestine. We mention them because you may come across them but they DO NOT prevent the transmission of viral STIs including HIV and herpes. On the upside the lambskin condoms are effective against pregnancy, they don’t trigger latex allergies, are biodegradable and can be used with oil-based lubricants.Lambskin condoms | lambskincondoms.org
Vegan friendly condoms
New to the market, Glyde condoms come in several sizes, are made of natural rubber latex (with only natural and vegan colours and flavours) and are suitable for use with water based or silicone based lubricants.Condoms suitable for vegans | Glyde Condoms Back to top
Condom considerations and jargon
Whether clubbing, dining, or attending an interview, most of us think about what we’re going to wear. The cut of the clothes, the colour combo, and the impact bring it all together. But when it comes to sex, we can be so fixated on the fuck we forget that the right condom can give you and your partner(s) more pleasure, more security, and more fun.
You shouldn’t really feel a perfectly fitting condom. Too large and it can slip off (and yes: up the arse). If it’s too small it can be a bugger to put on (as your dick is choked to death) and it’s more likely to break while fucking. So while condom length is important its girth (or width) should also be a consideration. More of this later.
When choosing a condom, principle considerations should be:
- its thickness (usually given in microns)
- its width (and width at the head of the condom if it’s not a straight condom).
- its length
The choice of condoms is bewildering and you can start to wonder why you might need an extra thin, non- lubricated, banana-flavoured, slim-fit condom. What is doubly frustrating is that comparing brands is just about impossible. Here are the options:
- Standard condoms have straight sides
- Fitted or trim condoms are slightly narrower below the dick head
- Thinner or sensitive condoms are so you feel more; conversely, some guys will avoid them because they cum too quickly
- Large, XL, or magnum condoms are longer and wider, including over the head of the dick
- Extra strong or stronger condoms are usually thicker, but not always. According to manufacturers, some thin condoms claim to be as strong as stronger condoms
- Textured condoms with ribs and bumps can increase sensation, but not everyone likes speed bumps
- Coloured condoms can make oral sex more fun. Also, they could be a perfect choice for St Valentine’s or St Patrick’s Day, with matching flavours such as strawberry or mint. If you are planning to use a liquorice flavoured condom to accompany that black tie event we would advise you to warn your partner(s) in advance!
- Flavoured condoms are just that, and some of the flavours can be an acquired taste. Who can forget minty mouthful, blow me bubblegum, bangin’ banana, chocolate temptation, blueberry muffin, fizzy cola, blowdom cannabis and succulent strawberry. They are great for oral sex, particularly for guys who are not into fucking
- Non lubricated condoms are a sensible choice if you don’t like the taste of lubricated condoms. Great for sucking or you can add the lube of your choice if you’re fucking. Trivia: they are also used as protective covers for microphones and ultra sound machines, and for keeping stuff dry on camping trips.
- Glow in the dark condoms have rather stumped us, but supposedly handy in a dark room? If anyone has an interesting tale to tell we’d love to hear from you.
- Desensitising, extended play and delay condoms are for guys want to last longer before cumming or for guys who cum too quickly. They use a lubricant that slightly desensitises your dick which makes it a little numb. No harm, of course, but you have been warned.
We have trawled the websites of many well known manufacturers and distributors. While some provide condom length, width and thickness; others seem to be more interested in a sales pitch (for their own brands) and/ or posting customer reviews which are subjective, and not necessarily that helpful.Back to top
- Stimulation to make you hard and erect; eg: a vivid imagination, porn, a man
- A place where you will not be disturbed
- A flexible sewing tape or tailors measure OR a ruler and a piece of string
- A pen and paper
- A man (optional)
- Place the tape or ruler along the length of your erect throbbing dick from the base to the tip. Bear in mind rulers often have a few ml at the end which you need to take into account (i.e. discount). Write down the measurement.
- Measure the girth or circumference of your penis with the tape around the thickest part of your dick (or loop the string around then use the ruler to calculate). Write down the measurement.
- Don’t waste it, how about a wank or a fuck?
Matching dick size to condom size
By way of an example, let’s use Fred (one of our volunteers) who kindly volunteered his dick stats:
His length erect: 14.5cm
His girth or circumference: 12.6cm
Condom calculators and charts
Even if Fred applies his measurements to website condom calculators, more often than not results show only those brands that the site sells. And he’s wary about buying a brand he’s not heard of before, or he might already prefer a brand which they don’t sell.Made to measure condoms | Condomerie
Condom size calculator | Penis Sizes
Measurement Fitting (Calculator) | They Fit
Many websites also have charts which show at a glance that if your dick is ‘X’ wide and ‘Y’ long your condom size is ‘Z’. The trouble is, when we compared 6 sites, we found 5 different condom width sizes for a dick with a 155mm girth: 52, 53-57, 50-51, 50-53, 49-51 with a range in difference of 8mm (that’s nearly a centimetre). That’s enough for a condom to easily slip off a smaller dick or choke a larger one!
Even when you work out your condom size, the information provided by some of the major condom manufacturers makes for grim reading (or rather lack of it) – though well done Skins and Pasante!Durex only has condom width (under the ‘more information’ link, assuming you find the tab)
Lifetsyles has no condom spec info next to condoms
Mates has no condom spec info next to condoms
Pasante has clear condom spec info next to condoms (under ‘additional information’)
Skins has clear condom spec info next to its condoms
Skyn only has condom width next to its condoms
Trojan has no condom spec info (though a ton of subjective reviews, some real customers we presume) Back to top
- If you’re going to fuck make sure you have condoms and lube to hand and remove all pets and ex-boyfriends from the area!
- Checking the use-by date first, take the rubber out of its wrapper avoiding sharp/jagged finger nails, teeth and cheap jewellery.
- With a thumb and forefinger pinch the end of the condom as this will get rid of the air and make room for the cum.
- Make sure it’s not upside down or you won’t be going anywhere!
- Roll it all the way down your dick. A hard dick makes this easier to do but it may go soft at this point. Simply work up some steam and – using a new condom, try again later.
- Place some lube on a finger or two and gently work it up his arsehole. He’ll get more pleasure if he’s relaxed and the condom is less likely to tear.
- Smother your dick with lube and ask him if he’s ready before putting it up his arse.
- Enter slowly, checking he’s OK. If you go in quickly you could hurt him. Once inside, off you go… checking occasionally to see that the condom is still in place and intact.
- When you’ve finished, hold the condom at the base of your dick before pulling out. You don’t want to lose it up his arse do you?
- Condoms do make a difference: You can’t feel as much and they can be awkward to use, BUT using them with lube every time you get fucked or fuck greatly reduces the risk of HIV infection and other STIs.
- Condoms help protect against other sexually transmitted infections including gonorrhoea, syphilis, herpes, hepatitis, and NSU.
- Wanking with condoms can also improve your technique and get you used to the idea/feel of using them.
- Don’t leave condoms lying around for children to find as there is a risk of suffocation! Knot it, wrap it in a tissue or loo roll and bin it. (Not down the toilet, it may well bob back up).
- Take a break… put on the kettle… leave… start again… or fall asleep in his arms.
Tony Duque se lo pone para ti | stopsida | 5 Mar 2015 | 2m05s
How to put a condom on | get sex educated | 17 Jul 2015 | 2m11s
How to put a condom on | Izzy Larry | 17 Aug 2015 | 1m33s Back to top
Wonder of slippiness
While we’re probably preaching to the converted, arseholes and rectums are not self-lubricating. Though we may feel ‘wet’ at times, this small amount of natural mucus and sweat present (when fucking) can lead to discomfort, irritation, and infection without lube. We use 3 different types for sex:
- water based lube
- silicone based lube
- oil based lube
Behaving similarly, they reduce the friction between whatever is going up your arse and the arse lining. However, you need the right amount of lube to do the job. Too much and the practicalities of what you’re trying to do become comedic/ faintly ridiculous. Too little and there is discomfort and pain (to both partners) and a risk of damaging the condom, the arse, or both.Back to top
Water based lubes (condom compatible)
Water based lubes are considered the safest all-purpose lubricant choice. They do not damage or weaken latex condoms and, generally, do not irritate the inside of the arse. Particularly since the introduction of glycerine, they have come a long way since KY-jelly.
Water-based lubricants dry up eventually because your rectum absorbs the lubricant’s water content back into the body, leaving a sticky residue. Insufficient lubricant (of any kind) increases friction and is a major factor in condoms tearing or damage to the lining of your arse.
As a general rule a cheap-and-cheerful lube will work though dicks and arseholes may need re-lubing. More expensive lubes (often with glycerine) and sporting the latest in lube science will have more slippiness, lubiness, silkiness and smoothness.Personal lubricant | Wikipedia Back to top
Silicone based lubes (condom compatible)
Many of us find the texture of silicone-based lubes more pleasurable than other lubes and they certainly last much longer than water based lubes.
Silicone based lubricants don’t dry up because your arsehole and rectum is not capable of absorbing any of its components back into your body. It therefore stays there, goes further and lasts longer, but this in itself can cause ‘problems’: your lower intestine down to your arsehole can become a bob sleigh run and shit can shoot out at a moment’s notice!
It can also stain and thus be difficult to wash out of bedding and clothing, and it can cause damage to sex toys made of silicone.
Silicone based lubes like Wet Platinum, Eros, ID Millennium (there are others) are safe to use with all condoms, latex and polyurethane.Personal lubricant | Wikipedia Back to top
Oil based lubes (not condom compatible)
Oil-based lubricants don’t dry up because your arsehole and rectum is not capable of absorbing any of their components back into your body. It therefore stays there, goes further and lasts longer but this in itself can cause problems: your lower intestine down to your arsehole can become a bob-sleigh run and shit can shoot out at a moment’s notice!
If you’re into dildos or fisting then oil-based lubes are generally a better option because they last longer. If you have a fist up a mate’s arse, a comment like “excuse me, I’ve just got to pop out for some more lube”, doesn’t tend to go down well.
Oil-based lubricants and related oil-based substances weaken and damage condoms and should not be used together. These include baby oil, mineral oil, suntan lotions, cooking oil, petroleum jelly, butter or margarine, cold creams and skin lotions.Personal lubricant | Wikipedia Back to top