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Sex and doing it

Fucking

For the high majority of gay men, what we do with our dicks defines us and (love it or loathe it) fucking is inextricably linked with that. However, there is an assumption by many gay men and society generally that all gay men fuck and it’s the sexual practice around which everything revolves.

Some men don't

Even if it’s true it doesn’t mean you have to fuck or be made to feel there is something wrong if you don’t. There are guys who have never tried it and really don’t care if they don’t, and some guys who have tried it and don’t like doing it. There are those who think it’s overrated or just feel that the risk of HIV is too great. Not fucking doesn’t mean that you can’t or don’t have a fabulous sex life. So, ask yourself the question: do you really want to fuck?

Making love, bang, bed, boff, boink, bone, bugger, making lurve, diddle, dip (one's) wick, do it, fuck, fuck (one's) brains out, get laid, go all the way, hide the sausage, hump, intercourse, jiffy stiffy, nail, plow, poke, pork, pound, pound the duck, ram, ride

If you’re getting fucked you get the pleasure of getting your arse massaged from the inside and your prostate gland taken on an all-expenses-paid holiday to the destination of your choice. If you’re fucking – you get to have your cock rubbed and massaged into heavenly oblivion.

We can change roles and start again. Not bad really. It can be emotional and we can be overwhelmed. It brings us together and we can feel as one. It allows us to dominate and to submit. It releases us and tells us who we are. It can be some of these things, all of them or something else. Even better.

Oh, I thought you wanted to fuck me…

If you’re fucking with a new partner it can be sensible to agree who’s doing what before you leave a club/ bar or before meeting (if online). Some of us can be upfront and ask; others, particularly if they’re versatile, will simply go with the flow.

Granted, there is something to be said for not asking ‘who’s going to do what?’ on the way home as it can seem planned, predictable, and tacky. Equally, if you only want to fuck or get fucked and your partner wants likewise then you either have some serious negotiation to do... or you may as well put the kettle on.

Positions

Exactly how we fuck or get fucked is a matter of personal choice and experimentation, although our favourite is usually derived from five basic positions:

  • Lying on the stomach with the other lying partially/ fully on top.
  • On the knees (doggy style), bent forward, with the other guy kneeling behind.
  • Lying on your back with legs raised either side of the other or resting on his shoulders.
  • Both lying on your side one behind the other.
  • Sitting on top (and/or slightly raised) of the other guy who is lying on his back.

Sitting astride your partner who’s lying beneath you allows greater control, and one the best positions for continued eye contact and kissing. Other positions can make the person getting fucked more vulnerable. You can always change later.

Condom and lube

Make sure condoms and lube are to hand unless you have talked through the issues and taken a decision not to use them.

Condoms and lube | GMFA
Condoms | NAM Aidsmap
Bareback Britain: Doing it raw | GMFA
Unprotected sex | NAM Aidsmap

Condoms | Wikipedia
Bareback sex | Wikipedia

Lube

To help relax you and your arse, ask your partner to lubricate his finger and gently massage the entrance to your arse. When you’re ready, say so – he can then slide a finger into the arsehole and massage the anal canal, eventually putting two fingers inside.

Nuzzle

Sit astride your partner placing his cock against the entrance of your arsehole. At this point, he should do nothing more than nuzzle or rub the opening gently. Stay in this position until you feel suitably relaxed.

Draw me into you

Ideally lower yourself on to his cock, drawing it into the anal canal. This can be made easier by pushing down as if you are opening your arse to shit. It may not sound it, but this can be very horny for both of you.

Discomfort and pain

The anal canal can stretch greatly but will contract automatically when pain occurs. This will happen if he enters too quickly and it’s said that a considerate partner can be gauged by the care he takes when entering someone. If you encounter any pain or discomfort, lift yourself off completely, catch your breath and decide whether you want to try again.

Get familiar

Once he’s inside you, ask him to lie still until you get used to the feeling of his cock inside you. You may to wish to tighten your bottom sphincter muscle around it. This can be an intense sensation for both of you. He may lose his erection – this is quite natural. Take time to help him get up some steam again.

Start off slowly

You’ll probably begin with slow movements. If you want him to do the work, you may need to raise yourself slightly to give him enough room to move his cock in and out of your arse.

Stimulation

At this point, the cock will be stimulating the anal canal which is touch-sensitive, and the rectum which can sense movement. Depending on the depth and angle of the thrusts your partner will be able to stimulate your prostate gland on the other side of the rectum wall.

Thrusts

The thrusts will usually become deeper and faster but they don’t need to. Develop your own rhythm and communicate to each other what you want.

Cumming too quickly

Combined with what’s already going on in your anal canal and rectum, stimulating the prostate gland may encourage you to cum. This may be exactly what you want but you may also find that you cum too quickly. Remember you can take a break or stop at any time.

Longer cocks

Longer cocks can knock into the top sphincter muscle causing some discomfort or pain. Relaxing the top sphincter muscle will allow the cock to pass through into the bottom part of the sigmoid colon. If you’re being fucked on your back, the cock can knock against some of the nerves around the bottom of the spinal cord, which again can cause discomfort to the person being fucked. Similarly, if the cock knocks into the prostate gland, the same will happen.

And finally...

  • Not everybody who fucks has to cum to enjoy themselves.
  • Erections come and go whether you're fucking or getting fucked. This is quite natural.

How to fuck | GMFA
How to get fucked | GMFA
Pain while getting fucked | GMFA
Messy sex and douching | GMFA
Condoms and lube | GMFA
Know your arse for better sex | GMFA
Spice up your fucking life | GMFA
The Travelin' Bum The Travelin' Bum

Bottom, top and oral sex tips | Davey Wavey | 1 Dec 2011 | 2m03s
Creative sex positions | Davey Wavey | 29 Nov 2012 | 2m19s
Gay men and bottom shaming | Matthew J Dempsey | 14 May 2015 | 3m48s
Not all gays like anal sex | Calum McSwiggan | 4 Feb 2015 | 2m53s

Fuck | Wikipedia
Fucking Village, Austria | Wikipedia


It hurts | Matt & Dan | 4 Apr 2018 | 3m 54s

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