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Being a good man

Be healthy on the inside

sex_tnWe probably have at least one friend or acquaintance who seems to be genuinely happy being alone and another who seems to fall in and out of relationships quicker than you can say ‘I’ll call you…’ We probably know some guys who equate relationships with dramas and others who have been together so long we’re secretly envious.

We also know guys who can pick up every night of the week but whom we suspect are lonely, and those who seem to have an unerring capacity to be vicious, self-centred and hell-bent on destroying the men they say they love.

Finding the ‘right’ man can take time and just because he’s not by your side now doesn’t make you a bad, unreasonable or inadequate lover. Despite everything you can do, there’s a surprising amount of chance involved and you shouldn’t feel guilty or angry if you’ve been unlucky today, this week or this year.

“Everyone can’t be the same… Everyone can’t be straight, Everybody can’t be beautiful. Some people are just gay and average. We’re the strongest I think.”
The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy | 2000

It’s one thing to find a man – it’s a bonus to discover that he wants to spend time with you. It’s miraculous that the sex is just what you both want but are you ready? We buy the right clothes, cut our hair, exercise, shave and tan ourselves into oblivion, immerse our skin in creams and lotions and decorate our homes… even the cat leaves the bedroom at the appropriate signal.

But while we spend time, effort and money to look our best it can often be at the expense of preparing ourselves from the inside. If you’re not happy by yourself – in yourself – then you’re not going to feel much better with someone else. In fact you’ll be trading one set of problems for another and dragging someone else into the crap. The axiom that you can’t love others until you love yourself is very true, but equally you can’t receive love unless you feel at one with yourself.

Particularly on the gay scene, we’re constantly comparing ourselves with other gay men and that’s where all self-esteem and self-worth stuff gets in the way. It keeps us from seeing ourselves as whole people, preferring instead something better, younger, more handsome, better-built and more together – not forgetting that extra inch or two. Consequently, our self-esteem plummets, we fill the space with self doubt and question our ability to become involved with other men.


Home from the gym | ASPD Films | 25 May 2018 | 5m 45s

No matter how often someone tells you that he finds you attractive or that he cares, you cannot quite believe it. In fact, the more honest and genuine the compliment the more painful it can be to accept. This is not to say that you can’t love or don’t love, but getting yourself into mental and emotional shape helps raise your self esteem and replaces self-doubt with positive thoughts and feelings.

 

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